For a single mother Christmas season can be a dreaded experience; I know this to be fact. I have heard of women being fearful to leave their emotionally or physically abusive relationships due to trying to provide a positive Christmas for their children.
I want to take you through my Christmas two seasons ago, to share with you the struggles that I had incurred.
Christmas 2010 was my first Christmas without my son. I had broken my right clavicle the month before, and we were snowed in at the house. “We” consisted of my sister, her boyfriend and I. My son’s birthday is The 23rd of December, and I missed celebrating that day with him also. We had been snowed in for a total of five days by the time I was able to have a friend drive me to pick him up from his father. Of course, his father and I didn’t want to risk the safety issues of the drive between us with our son in the car during that point either.
I was a wreck, no other way to describe it. I became very depressed during those five days, feeling as though my world was crashing down on my shoulders. I remember sitting in the fetal position in the laundry room, tears falling uncontrollably. Not only was I not able to drive very well with the healing clavicle, but I was out of work for a total of three months and had been waiting to receive the money from my insurance company.
As some of you know, I am a very prideful, independent woman. I can’t stand even the thought of asking another person for assistance. Just writing those words brings tears to my eyes at this moment. It’s something I struggle with constantly. I was overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy, thoughts that I had somehow failed as a mother.
Now, with not having much finances coming in, I was unable to afford oil to heat the house. Luckily, my mother and uncle had purchased an Amish fireplace for me and the kids. I was beyond grateful. The electric heaters were kicking my bills up into the 300 range each month. I do have a stove heater in the basement of the house, but my house is large, and it doesn’t heat the upstairs areas well.
My sister and I decided we would wait to open the few gifts that I had been able to afford them, until my son came home. When he arrived he told of the wonderful gifts that he had received from his father’s side of the family. I was so happy his father and his fiancé were able to afford more than I could. I had only been able to get him two presents for his birthday, and two more for his Christmas. My sister also had two.
As they opened their gifts their smiles never faltered, but I wanted to give them more. Tears streamed down my face as after they opened each one, they ran to me and hugged me tightly thanking me. All I could say to my sister was, “I’m sorry, you deserve more.” I will never forget her facial expression at that moment. She looked at me with tear filled eyes and disbelief covered her face. She held me tightly and whispered, “No, you deserve more than we could give you.”
I didn’t think so. I hadn’t provided them with what society has lead us to believe Christmas is about, Gifts. Even though they didn’t have much, they had me to support and love them with unwavering affection. We had a blast cooking, singing, dancing, and playing with the items they had received. We also made an igloo in the front yard. (Brr, It was cold) They had written me home-made letters which I will forever cherish. Our Christmas celebration (not on Christmas) was a positive one over all.
I want to say that I know that Christmas is not about gifts. I know the true meaning behind Christmas. After saying that, it still makes it difficult in a parents mind to not “go all out” for your children.
So, in response to the women and men who are out there struggling with the decision of: To leave or not leave. Do what is in the best interest for you and your children emotionally. Your children are able to feel your emotions even when you attempt to hide them. Being in an unhappy relationship can strain the relationship with your children. Your child/ren wants you to be happy too. Keep your chin up through the hard times, because they can be rough. Keep your eyes focused on the rainbow at the end of the downpour.
Would you rather your parents show you unconditional love, or give you meaningless gifts?
Rebekah Honeycutt 